my very BESTFRIEND..

jamayne clariz "niam-niam" cantillas..

bestfriend.. truly missed..

i had a dream.. just this week.. i was singing on stage.. actually.. singing and dancing.. i was singing with someone else... i don't know who.. after the song. i don't know what i was singing.. niam-niam.. lilet and angeli.. approached me... niam-niam looks troubled.. i don't know why.. but there is something she wants to tell me... that is what i'm quite sure of.. BUT... analyn.. as in analyn bayoco.. was nangungulit.. i don't know why.. BUT niam-niam can't tell me what she wants to tell me because analyn was there.. when FINALLY.. we we're alone.. and she was about to say what she wants to say.. poof! NAGISING AKO!... super bad trip.. i was terribly worried.. "what happened to niam?".. but niam and i can't talk.. and we haven't really as in talked.. ever since she left... i mean we do txt.. but there's a BIG difference in being ACTUALLY there.. talking.. chatting and leaving messages.. sigh.. i really miss my bestfriend.. i wish she'll be here in june.. oh well... i just hope she's fine.. as in fine despite being so homesick...

jaNuaRy 12,2007

Woke up covered in cold sweat, why do I always have to dream about him leaving me for some rizons dat i dont fully understand? In addition, there were some cards and there was a balloon I do not understand the significance whatsoever it is that it may signify but there was this sort of message on it that I have already forgotten however, I believe there was an occasion and a date. My dreams always do come true, no kidding.

I thought that if I would say it aloud, I could let it go. That if I declared the hate, accepted the insecurities, uttered the doubt, the pain would all go away, and the misery would cease. How do I let go of all that is within me? Someone once told me: You have to let go of those feelings. Do not let them merge and make you perplexed. Yes, I know but, how? Sometimes I do not understand if I want to let it go or if just want to keep them bottled, hidden. Why? Maybe because I am conceited, I do not like being told that I am in the wrong and it is hard on me to accept that I am wrong.

what a bad dream!?!

Whew! What a fucked up dream! I dreamed that the devil himself have gone himself to take my very life. I asked him why he was taking my precious life away since I am very young and everything. He said, “I am taking your life because you understand between the two worlds. You are in the middle. And we can not have that here on earth.” What the fuck was that about? I do not know. Seriously, I have been having obscure dreams lately. What now, am I going to die soon? I think my dreams are trying to tell me some shit, I just do not know what it is and what the effin shit the devils and the chasing is for.

i want peace

ack. there seems to be some kind of commotion within my effin self. ambivalence on some things. i'm sort of scared to make mistakes. wrong choices and the like. *sighs* ack. i don't know what to do. eight days or more.. *haay* i have to get my peace of mind back... SOON!