It's OVER

Heartbreak is an odd kind of feeling anyone can experience. It’s a poignant thing that leads to so much pain, confusions and frustrations. Sometimes, it happens a lot which causes people to suffer and become so numb about certain heartaches.

It’s been a hell week for me. WE broke up, just last week for certain reasons that I can’t really understand. I’m having a hard time dealing with it. It’s very hard for me to accept things because obviously, I DO LOVE HIM. Every time I think about the memories that WE had for the past 9 months, I feel like screaming in pain. Every time I’m alone and have no one to talk to, I feel so vacuous and terrible. I feel so sad, so hopeless. I always have my sleepless nights for the past few days. I can always feel the loneliness every time I think about the thoughts of HIM. I’m scared to face this effin pain that I’m undergoing right now. It’s like a specter that keeps on disturbing me in the middle of my sleepless nights. I’m being too nostalgic since all I think about whenever I’m alone is HIM, and only HIM.

I’m trying my best to avoid the thoughts of winning HIM back because I know that it is so IMPOSSIBLE for now. I’m so twisted. A part of me says that I just need to move on but still I always end up crying and worst, continuously thinking of HIM. I’m actually nearing my effin breaking point. I still don’t know what to do. I still don’t know where and how to start again. I can’t even manage to have and keep a sneer on my face and forget about what happened between US for I am hurt, depressed and left behind. Whenever my friends and family ask me about our break up, I just want to elope and hide so that I will not be able to grieve the effin pain that I’m going through right now. But I know I must face the reality and stop expecting. I must accept the fact that things between us were FINALLY OVER! Even if it hurts so much, I must start to move on and don’t let this thing stop me from living a very precious yet complicated life.

For now, I’m just continually pretending to be happy. I’m still hiding the pain behind my sugar coated tears that HE has brought me. I’m still struggling for the bitterness of time. I’m still in the stage of hoping that I’m just having the worst nightmare. I’m still hoping that things will turn out fine. I’m still looking forward for a happy ending but as I said, it’s IMPOSSIBLE. He’s not mine anymore and it SUCKS!!